Safer kinkier air travel

What I planned to blog about today wasn't really working out. So instead I'd like to talk a little about airport security. Today MSNBC's News Nation program had a guy who refused to get a pat down or the body scan. As an informed consumer he checked to see if the airport had the full body scan (it sees through your clothes). The website said they didn't so he picked that one. I don't really see the big deal that someone in a booth can see you naked when you walk through it. I'm even okay (and flattered actually) if they play pocket pool while I'm being scanned. But I'm weird.

The real problem was that the airport did have the body scan and the alternative was a pat down. The man had read that several men felt physically sick after their groin had been checked. The host of the show turned to the pundit Michael Smerconish who said something like "I am concerned about his privacy rights. But what about my right to safety if I'm the guy next to him on the plane? I just want get through security as quickly and safely as possible"

I think something was lost in the translation in this story. This happens when people try to talk about genitalia in polite company. The guy was worried about getting his balls racked okay. He didn't appreciate the TSA saying "Show us the goods or we'll yank on your bean bag!"

I have an idea for Smerconish and his ilk. They should have a third line just for men who are in a hurry and not worried about their rights. We line all these guys up and have the TSA agents work their way down the line kicking the passengers in the nuts until they collapse in pain. This will take approximately 1.2 kicks per passenger. If a bomb doesn't fall out of the guys pocket when he crumples over, then it's safe to let him on the plane.

Alternatively, at least in the Vegas airport, there should be a security line where a specially trained strippers (male and female) will give you a lap dance as they check for explosives. Smerconish also gave me this idea because he said the good thing about the pat down was that it's someone as the same sex as you. I don't see how that's a good thing for me but also how do you know the TSA agent isn't a homosexual. It would make much more sense if we got to pick who was going to sexually assault us in the name of airport security.